~ Hints I Will Never Use ~

English: A heavy-duty "bow rake" use...

English: A heavy-duty “bow rake” used for soil and rocks (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Read a tip in my daily newspaper today that I will never use. Ever.  Now they say you should never say never—but this one I am sure of. It was submitted by Maureen in the “Tip of the week” section of the paper called Solutions & Substitutions.  Maureen suggests, not tongue in cheek that “If you want to cook several hotdogs over a bonfire, here’s a timesaver. Put the wieners on the tines of a metal rake and cook many at once.” Yeah, right.

Here is another hint I will never use. It is from the book “Haley’s Hints” which boasts “over 2000 of the most extraordinary money & time-saving uses for ordinary household items….at your fingertips.” So, are you ready? On page 154 under a section called “Sewing and Notions” (I already know I am in the wrong section of the book when the word sewing is part of the title) it is suggested that you “Try leaving your hand-sewing in a decorative basket by the telephone or your favourite chair. You can have a chat with friends or watch television and get a few hems and buttons done as well.”

vintage sewing basket

vintage sewing basket (Photo credit: **tWo pInK pOSsuMs**)

I did sew a button on once, and there is proof. My husband (a lovely man with a strange sense of humour) took a picture of me. As if it was some rare occasion. Okay, it was a rare occasion, but I still did not appreciate the fact that he took the picture. Martha Stewart I am not. Enough said.

Have you ever read a tip that you will never, ever use?

Or do you have a tip we can all use?

Published in: on November 8, 2012 at 1:51 pm  Comments (57)  
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Something a little lighter ~ one might call it flakier

THE HAGUE: Prison Gate

THE HAGUE: Prison Gate (Photo credit: Akbar Simonse)

I received an email today that I think was supposed to make me angry. But instead I was left relieved. It showed a beautiful building with a pool and game courts and some rather luxurious amenities. But it was not a new hotel or spa. It was a newly built prison. I was supposed to be outraged about how my government was spending our money—but I was not.

What the person who sent me the email did not know was that my plans for retirement include perpetrating a crime that will get me into one of these institutions of higher learning. It will not be a heinous crime—just one bad enough to get me incarcerated in one of the nicer prisons—sort of like when Martha Stewart went to jail and taught her “roommates” how to

Martha Stewart

Martha Stewart (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

cook and crochet and make potpourri bundles.

I have not quite figured out the crime I am going to carry out—but it will be one I can undo once I have achieved my goal. If I steal a great deal of money, I will just hide it and give it back. If I get a stock “tip” I will give back the money I earned dishonestly. I am not going to hurt anyone or do any real damage.

This is what comes of being a freelancer – no pension, nothing saved, and not much earned to speak of. If you have any ideas for me of the perfect non-violent crime that can be undone once my housing arrangements are finalized, don’t be shy—share them with me.

Right now, I am supposed to be doing some bookwork for my husband’s company (something which involve my nemesis:numbers) so I am procrastinating once again and creating something  I like to call “a little less than literature.”

Published in: on August 29, 2012 at 6:54 pm  Comments (46)  
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