Disconcertingly Delightful


WordPress Michelle asks today: When was the last time you were embarrassed? How do you react to embarrassment? 

Embarrassed: uncomfortable, self-conscious, nervous, ashamed, mortified, humiliated, discomfited, ill at east, disconcerted.

If each of these words is a cousin to embarrassed, then I am in a constant state of embarrassment. I am uncomfortable in many social situations; self-conscious about whether or not I have stuff stuck in my teeth (and a myriad of other things I am too embarrassed to admit);  naturally nervous; and practice avoid ance and denial when it comes to mortification and humiliation . I am discomfited when faced with a new situation; ill at ease often; and disconcerted always.

I guess I am just one big bundle of embarrassment waiting to happen. But is that always a bad thing? I find that always being on the alert for awkward situations keeps me on my toes. I fake it in social situations fairly decently (in that I do not avoid them); I check my teeth and other things about my outward appearance so I will not offend others’ aesthetics (ha ha); and I find that nervousness has its perks as I think I worry away weight (not to my ideal weight but that is another story.) I love the word mortified, though not the state of mortification; I can find no good in humiliation though—mine or others—it is bad news all around. Discomfited is such a delicate way to be embarrassed—squirm worthy but not debilitating; ill at ease is admittedly easier to handle than easily ill; and disconcerted—well I am constantly puzzled by life, disconcertedly so.

I know that I am not really answering the question of “when was the last time I was embarrassed”? I would rather celebrate the times I was not embarrassed—the times when I successfully spoke more than one sentence without stumbling; the times when attention is placed on me and I am up to the challenge; the times when I have something stuck in my teeth and I slough it off in a que sera, sera kind of way; or pretend that a mortifying situation did not really happen at all.

I am going to stay comfortably disconcerted though, as along with its many meanings, it is also defined as confused. I think a state of confusion is like a state of wonder; a state of always being that little bit off balance; a state where magical things come to your rescue and logic plays no part.