Warning: Introspection Ahead

Today’s prompt from Michelle at WordPress: Look in the mirror. Does the person you see match the person you feel like on the inside? How much stock do you put in appearances?

The person that I am is not reflected in the mirror. I am ageless, a quiet rebel, a sage (in my own mind). In the mirror I see the soft face of a woman in the last half (okay let’s be honest—last third) of her life. She does not like the wrinkles she sees under her eyes, but the rest of her face is holding up, except for the somewhat gentle ravages of gravity.  She looks younger than she is (and whether or not that is true—she feels younger than she is.)

As a younger woman I put more stock in my “looks” and that attitude does not fade easily or quietly—I am going kicking and screaming into an adulthood that most people reached at half my age. My hair is gray underneath a very thin layer of dyed golden brown—that is receding as we speak—I no longer have just roots of grey—I have lengths of it—yet the decision to go fully gray has not yet been made. If my hair were a lovely white there would be no hesitation—but it is mottled and not all that pretty.

Do I still care about being pretty? Yes. Am I still pretty? That is left to others to decide—but, personally I do not mind my looks.

Sometime though, when I look in the mirror, I do not see me. Me is made up of a person who loves life (most of the time), hates life (some of the time), loves her family unconditionally, enjoys her friends, loves to read, writes because it is part of her—because she has to, is compassionate to a fault (in that the problems of others sometimes take over her life), loves to learn, and wants to be taken seriously (sometimes) and appreciated for what she likes to refer to as her wit (others may refer to it in other manners but who needs to go there?)

There is a depth to all of us—one that transcends the person we see in the mirror. I like to put my best face forward (most of the time), and my best foot forward (all the time)—but I do not always achieve these things. I think we are all a work in progress—forced by the hourglass of time to take stock of our progression. I would like to celebrate my wrinkles but I am not there yet—I would like to achieve wisdom, but that changes every day—things that I once took as the gospel have been blown apart, and things that I once rejected are now something I am beginning to understand.

My hope is that we live several lifetimes and use what we have learned in this one to make the next one better. But, I also want to recognize the good things that have come out of this life—and use those discoveries now. My reflection does not necessarily replicate me. Or does it?

What do you see when you look in the mirror?

Published in: on January 22, 2014 at 3:07 pm  Comments (24)