Probably Better Left Unsaid ~ Comfort Needed

Emergency brake handle on German train (around...

Emergency brake handle on German train (around 1920) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Misunderstood. Misconstrued. Misread. Misjudged. Unacknowledged. Unrecognized.

I am feeling all of these things lately. It is a bad place to be and I cannot seem to crawl out from under it.

I devise a plan but cannot implement it.

I make a determined effort to shut my mouth. Understand that it is out of my hands. That it is a runaway train I cannot stop. Yet I am looking for the brakes.

They fail me.

Must find the emergency brake. Must stop this awful merry-go-round roller-coaster wavy mirror of a horror show.

My dissonance needs harmony. Yet I seem to be hitting all the wrong notes.

Alas and alack. Long sigh. Redouble my efforts and take them in a different direction. But can I?

Have you ever been here? How did you escape?

(I am purposely being vague as  I believe that when I air my dirty laundry, a magical potion comes along and cleans the whole mess up and I am left with having revealed too much. But I am sure we have all been in this limbo of not quite knowing how to solve an issue, and everything we do seems to make it worse. And we know very well that what we are doing only causes more damage ~ but we cannot stop ourselves—like a runaway train that has lost its conductor. I need to find my conductor.)

Published in: on August 11, 2013 at 11:00 am  Comments (63)  
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  1. Hi, I hope you’re okay. I myself am having the same problems. Life is unfair. I haven’t found my escape yet. Distractions are keeping me preoccuppied. I hope everything turns out alright.

    • And I hope you find your answers too — sometimes they come when we are least expecting it–I will keep my fingers crossed for both of us

  2. I can’t imagine anyone not being able to relate to this..and I am convinced that the answers do come when we drag ourselves away from staring at the dilemma (no easy trick when it remain uppermost in one’s mind)..

    • I am practicing denial and keeping my mouth shut–so far it is working–but hey, it is early yet-lol

  3. I clicked on like, but I really don’t like this at all :(. You sound extremely down, and I don’t like it when my friends are not happy!!! Truthfully, it happens to all of us at some point I know, but you seem to have been in a bad place for quite a while now. Maybe you should sit down and make a list, or better yet do a blog post, which concentrates on what is good in your life and what you have to be thankful for. Then maybe all the crap won’t seem quite so bad. Also, maybe you should take a day or two and just get out and do something spontaneous, something that you love to do but haven’t done in ages, something that makes you smile and feel good because we all get in horrible ruts sometimes, and sometimes we just need to shake things up a little :).

    • Oh, and by the way, I definitely acknowledge and recognize you as a wonderful person and a great friend :).

    • there is some wonderful advice here–but I will tell you a secret–sometimes when I get the negativity out there it goes away–and when I express a lot of positivity, then it disappears–I know this is superstitious but that is how it seems to work for me. I am more in limbo than a bad place per se, but I am trying to climb out of limbo — I think I will take your advice and be a bit more spontaneous–I have released my crap and am now awaiting the good stuff–thanks for your concern–you are a true friend!

  4. Yes, I understand and empathise AND you are wonderfu.

    • as are you–reading you has given me the courage to write posts such as this–even in our bad times we learn something and sharing seems to get back some comfort…..

  5. Sometimes things get on top of us and it takes what feels like forever to get out from under it. I have never been a fan of that saying that we are only dealt as much as we can handle, because we really don’t have any other options but to deal.

    I hope you find your solution. You deserve to catch your break.

    • I agree with you about that saying–sometimes I have thought–no, I cannot deal with it–but eventually I do and things get better–I find just talking about it helps and I tend not to verbalize to my friends much so I have turned to my blog friends–and as always you, Heidi, have come through……..

  6. Can you get away, even for a few days? Sometimes a change of scenery while not a brake is a break and you can come back refreshed and clearer in your head…

    • that would be ideal and I may be able to get away in September but not right now–good idea though–even away for an afternoon though would be a help

      • I hear you, I am able to get away and yet have chosen not to…not sure why. 🙂

      • chosen is the key word here–there must be a reason–it just is not clear to you now

  7. Poor thing, I’m in bed thinking of you! Sometimes I go four days in a row in bed! Please send me your address so I can send you my book! It will make you laugh! Neuropsychiarists be damned, they just don’t get it!

    • you are sweet–I will email it to you –then do a review of it–I already know the review will be good cause I really enjoy your blog and sense of humour and slices of life–I can relate so much
      I feeel like going to bed for four days–let me tell you…

  8. *sends hug* I hope that whatever the solution is, you find it soon and have peace of mind.

    • hugs are a good remedy until I come up with my own–am taking it slowly today and keeping my mouth shut–do not know how long that will last – LOL

  9. Oh yes, LouAnn, have experienced this many times. It is a hard place to be in. It is hard~~learning to communicate with our fellow humans in a good way. How much of ourselves do we share? When is it wiser to keep silent? There are no easy answers. I think we need to be very gentle with ourselves and other people. They say we’re all trying the best that we can, given our own particular awareness at the moment.

    • this is the answer I would have expected from you and I will take your advice to be gentle on both myself and the situation and remember that we really are trying the best we can we what we have

  10. I am in this place with you. I pray from the depths of my heart for your comfort, peace and breakthrough. I can honestly say I know exactly how you feel. It is a lonely and frightening place to be. You are in my prayers.

    • I am sorry you are in a bad place–it is so no fun–my prayers are with you too and thank you for your compassion

      • Thank you for your love and kind thoughts. I will be praying for all wonderful and marvelous blessings for your life. Peace and love to you and yours.

  11. My heart is touched by what you are feeling because I am just finally coming out of the other side, harmony and balance being mine again.
    It is an awfully uncomfortable place to be in.

    For me when I cannot muster up the fortitude I need to process what is going on I drown myself in music, often the audio quite loud with earphones,
    And then I hit the books…ahem truth be told it is of course the.Internet too.
    I begin study some aspect of my ‘issue’
    For me somehow there is great empowerment when I get out side of my head and place my focus on a positive,action, That being said I understand & know from experience that sometimes it’s just too darn hard to disengage
    Practice, practice..

    Wishing you peaceful easy feelings to return soon Lou~

    • what a compassionate reply – thank you so much–like you I do try to find the answers to my dilemmas by reading–things are gradually getting better–but I do have to remember not to take on everyone else’s problems as my own

      • You make such a valid and poignant point that we can absorb too much sometimes that does not belong to us.
        Happy I am to hear you are navigating through this.

        Gentle hugs my friend ~

      • again-thanks for being here for me

      • My pleasure. 🙂

  12. I would suppose Lou Ann you know that’s where I have found myself the past few months.. The more I tried to solve/fix/explain the worse it got it seems. As hard as I’m finding it, I’m backing off right now and see if anything improves. I hope that whatever it is you are dealing with things work out… take care Diane

    • thanks Diane–I think backing off would do both of us a world of good – thank you and good luck in your situation too (((hugs)))

  13. I hope you find a place of solitude to get away from it all for even a bit and really hope by letting it out brought you some peace. I think we have all been there and can relate. My problem is when I reach that situation I tend to carry it with me wherever I go, so I might as well sit with it and face it.

    • I know what you mean–solitude does help but like you I carry the situation with me until it is resolved

  14. Fall forward. One step at a time. You certainly have it in you….

    • thanks for the encouragement–I will remember–one step at a time–we tend to forget this so easily

  15. Ooooh – I don’t like those times / feelings one bit. Shake, shake, shake them off. I’ll shake with you 🙂

    • that is what I am spending my time doing–shaking those feelings off

      • Hope they go away soon – I’ll keep shaking with you.
        Maybe try listening to music – or relaxing & taking in nature. Two totally different approaches – I know – but – if one doesn’t do it – the other probably will.

      • music if turned up loud enough to get lost in it works sometimes–I love your suggestion about taking in nature–that can be calming–but so easily forgotten in the day to day

  16. Having been where you are several times over the years, I have learned that patience with a situation is needed. I always pray for that. Then, as others have said, one breath, one step, one minute, one hour, one day at a time. Find the support you need in trusted loved ones, give and recieve hugs, ignore the little voice that says there is no way through the darkness, and light that little candle. I ache for you, because of your words. They hit so close to home. It is good to share your burden. It takes some of the weight off. Blessings to you.

    • Bonnie thanks so much for your compassionate comment–it means a lot when someone takes the time to understand and provide gentle feedback — I will do as you have suggested–:)

  17. I seem to feel all the above when I have overextended myself and feel I am on overload. Having said that, I am feeling a bit of this myself. 😉 Looking at these feelings with a non-judgmental eye while meditating seems to help me. Sending healing thoughts your way LouAnn.

    • thanks for the healing thoughts–slowly I am trying to get rid of the reason I am on overload–I guess we all suffer from it sometimes–thanks for your words of encouragemetn

  18. Oh yes, I have been here many times, and in fact, just recently. I can’t pinpoint anything specific that I did, or that happened to straighten things out. All I know, is that it eventually passed. IOW, this too shall pass. May only good and right outcomes come your way. Blessings to you.

    • thank you Lori–I know sometimes these things do get solved and then we wonder what all the fuss was about–thank you for your compassion

  19. I hear you. I have been uneasy for a couple of days because of a friendship issue that wasn’t being addressed. I finally asked what’s going on and got a reply that enumerated her issues. I don’t know that it will be resolved but it’s moving somewhere.

    I guess what I’m saying is that your post or my email whatever it is, I think it’s always better if you talk/write about it. any burden is lighter if it is shared.

    I hope you feel better soon!

    • you are more than right–I feel better about it knowing that it is not just something I go through — have received a lot of compassion and it has helped enormously
      hope your situation has a good resolution–but sometimes things don’t and maybe for a reason

      • Haven’t heard back from her and that’s okay.

        Life is too short and I am too old to sweat the small stuff.

        Take care!

      • good attitude–we have to realize sometimes that it is the other person’s problem and not ours even if they try to make it so

  20. Sharing is the secret – even if you’re vague. We have all been there, done that, and continue to face the same dilemmas. We are all pulling for you from way out here in cyberspace! 🙂

    • appreciate that very much — we have all been there and done that, and darn it, it tends to repeat itself–but there is a light at the end of the tunnel and I am just hoping it is not the oncoming train!

  21. “My dissonance needs harmony. Yet I seem to be hitting all the wrong notes.”

    Besides being an honest assessment of how you feel (and me too, at times) this is poetically beautiful. You are so talented. I may not always comment, but I am always reading. I will try to be better at the commenting part so that you will know that you are making a difference to at least one person. Chin up, Sandy

    • Sandy–you have cheered up my day immensely–thank you for your comment–I needed that!

      • Glad I could help. 🙂

  22. Yes, I’ve felt like I’ve revealed too much at times, but by doing a bit of that you also open the thought patterns for help from others. Hope you’re feeling better.

  23. My problem has always been escaping to where I bury things deep down inside and you know what happens then, they all come out later. This time around I am not so much escaping but looking towards my faith – leaning on God and at those times I want to run and hide and escape the reality of things I am learning that by trusting in God I don’t need to escape I only need to ask and He will carrying me through them. I then find I have the perfect balance to escape in my books for a time rest my weary soul before I am ready to face the reality once again. My prayer is that you also find for yourself a balance of when to step back and when to lean on your faith.

    • your words are comforting and it sounds like you have reached a wonderful balance–I hope that I can achieve that balance too–thanks so much Patty

      • I know you will – it is such a struggle though

  24. i like the concept of the conductor and waiting for him to appear. winston churchill dealt with his depression by envisioning it as a black dog. he stopped fighting it and “let it in to his study” he envisioned the dog lying on the carpet next to his desk. what made it work was that everyone knows eventually a dog gets bored and leaves the room. you’re conductor will find you.

    • I hope the dog leaves the room and I find my conductor–I am glad someone got the conductor bit–I thought it was lost in the shuffle of my self-pity

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