What the heck is wrong with me?

Cover of "TIRED OF BEING TIRED"

Cover of TIRED OF BEING TIRED

Sometimes do you wish that the doctor could find out what is wrong with you and that would explain everything?  It would explain why you have a depth of tiredness, weariness, and heaviness that is indescribable.  And explain why you feel nauseated at times, and literally off balance physically, and yes, emotionally too. Why you feel dizzy and disoriented. Why you cannot find the words you need sometimes, and once in a while they come out a little garbled?

Of course I Googled my symptoms and I have been in to the nurse practitioner, and doctor, a local clinic, and even the emergency room when it was not an emergency. The latter is an embarrassing story but today I feel like embarrassing myself. I had a lot of pain in one foot and in one toe in particular. I noticed a raised lump that at first did not concern me. Then the lump became hard. And I thought back and remembered that I had opened the freezer and something dropped out of it on to my foot (because my freezer is just so organized that things slide out at will), so then I thought I might have broken my toe. The pain got really bad, and of course it was a weekend and I could not get in to see my doctor, who, if it had been a weekday I would not have been able to get in to see anyway as he is so busy—so I went to a clinic in the next town that is affiliated with my doctor’s office. And there was a sign on the door that said they were not taking any more patients that day. Apparently one of the doctors had not turned up, so only one was at the beck and call of people like me.

So…….I hobbled across the street to the conveniently located hospital and went into emergency where I knew I would have to wait for days as a painful foot is not high on the priority list for emergencies. Luckily it was not a busy morning, so I got in about an hour later. They took x-rays and asked me what I thought was wrong. I did not really know, and gave them my lame story about something falling onto my foot from the freezer. There is something else that is relevant to this story too—I am forever running into things and hitting my toes. Like all the time. Every day evem ~  and have suffered I am sure from broken toes before—but this time it was different. The pain was intense.

After the x-rays were taken I then had to continue my wait, which admittedly was not that long considering. Finally I saw the nurse practitioner. The location of the bump was awkward so I had to twist myself into a bit of a pretzel to see what she was trying to show me. Now before I tell you what the diagnosis was, in my defence I have to tell you that I showed my husband the night before and he looked a little alarmed and said “You had better see someone about that” in ominous and chilling tones, and scared me half to death. I am just telling you this, cause you are going to think I am really

Public relations of high-fructose corn syrup

NO NOT THIS KIND OF CORN!  (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

stupid when you hear that the lump was a corn.

The nurse practitioner looked at me with concern when she told me. I think she did not believe someone did not recognize that they had a corn and she thought I might have possible psychological problems {which could be the case, but that is another story}. But seriously, I could not see it. I could feel it and it hurt like h-e-double hockey sticks. Seriously, who knew a corn could hurt that much and that the pain could radiate up the foot? Probably everyone else in the world except me. I went to emergency with a corn! I have only told a couple of people thus far and it happened about two months ago. I am just now getting over the embarrassment.

English: Illustration of the pain pathway in R...

English: Illustration of the pain pathway in René Descartes’ Traite de l’homme (Treatise of Man) 1664. The long fiber running from the foot to the cavity in the head is pulled by the heat and releases a fluid that makes the muscles contract. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I went to the pharmacy and got some of those corn removers and after about four days—voila I was pain and corn-free.

But that still does not explain what is going on with my health. I sound like I am taking care of it when I tell you that I have been to the doctor and nurse and clinic and emergency, but I really do not take great care of myself. I tend to live in denial until I start to get alarmed. I am starting to get tired of being tired and dizzy, nauseated and off-balance, so I guess it is time to take my Googling self in to the doc’s again. But seriously, it is frustrating and Googling is frightening—it could be anything from thyroid problems to getting older; an infection to some really serious stuff I do not want to commit to print—just in case.

I have rattled on long enough—there is probably nothing really wrong—and I am just feeling the pains of getting older—but where has my energy level gone? And my patience—I am sorely lacking in patience anymore, and I never had a great supply of it in the first place.

Well, I feel better getting this all out—how about you? What niggling things do you have bothering you in the back of your mind? And have you ever had an emergency that was not an emergency?

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61 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. STRENGTH IN NUMBERS

    She woke up
    feeling absolutely dreadful.
    She googled
    “I feel absolutely dreadful.”

    Google replied
    “About 1,500,000 results (0.31 seconds)”
    Sadly however
    This did not make her feel any better.

    https://bennaga.wordpress.com/2013/04/02/strength-in-numbers/

  2. Good morning. I confess, I laughed while reading this. I’m sorry.
    I laugh because I would be the same way.
    And everyday, I scream at myself : what the hell is wrong with me? The list is too long. Avoidance is key.
    Time for coffee. Cheers

    • you are my soul sister–now to put the coffee on–avoidance and denial are our friends

      • And a donut….

      • good answer

      • 🙂 🙂

      • Can I join this coffee klatch? I think I’d fit in well…wait, what are we talking about? 😉

      • does not matter the subject–you are always part of our coffee klatch

      • Hugs…:-)

      • (((hugs)))back

  3. It still makes my laugh each time I read it too. 😀

    • and it is so true to life–you would think I had learned by now

      • has nothing to do with learning… has everything to do with “being”
        it is who you(we) are …just go with it.

  4. It helps to vent sometimes but you know that I know that! For sure go to the doctor .. When you know there is something not right you need to tell them you know your body. For really several years before I was diagnosed (at age 49) with MS I had been back and forth to my GP with several symptoms and basically he did only very usual blood tests …and xrays and said he couldn’t find anything…. Long Story ..Short Finally diagnosed by an emergency room Internist after spending about 5 minutes with questions and exam …. Diane

    • so basically you just need to be asked the right questions and get the right person–not always an easy thing–how are you doing with MS–I know that it can be quite a disease to contend with and it is all over the board

      • I’ve had it since 1991 but fortunately for me I am not severely affected… I can walk but not long distances… need a scooter in the mall.. My legs feel like rubbery lead .. My memory area of the brain and some cognitive.. fatigue… a few other issues but I can lead a somewhat ‘normal’ life. And you’re right..right questions and right doctor… Diane

      • you seem to have come to terms with it and I guess that is a lot of the battle–thank you for telling me about it and sharing your story–it has to be hard

  5. oh and a p.s. … the corn thing …too funny BUT I wouldn’t have known either… lol Diane

  6. I guess like Diane said, you just have to keep searching until you find someone hwho can help you. You know your body and if doesn’t feel right, continue to nag your doctor or nurse practitioner.

    I still laugh about the corn……we all can relate.

  7. Truthfully, I don’t know what a corn looks or feels like either, so I would have been in the same position as you.
    .
    I do know how frustrating it is to feel that something is just not right health-wise and not be able to figure it out. Take care of yourself as best you can, and give yourself a break occasionally on things that you think you ought to get done, but don’t really need doing. It feels good to let some stuff go.

    And the corn story turned out to be a little funny.. I’d tell it with relish. 🙂

    • I am far enough away from it now to be too embarrassed and am starting to see it as funny – I will start to tell it with relish and maybe a bit of mustard

  8. I’m much like you, I tend to live in denial and wait for things to get really annoying before I go see a doctor.

    I have 2 stories. One I thought I was having a stroke. I went completely numb on one side of my face, my words slurred and my arm was tingling. My husband took me to the ER (my son was a baby then) and after waiting for 2 hours, they told me I had had a complex migraine. I was a bit embarrassed. I thought I was dying.

    The other story, I had loads of vague yet troublesome symptoms, went to see several docs who all dismissed me as being “depressed” or “anxious”. Finally a LPN gave me an exam and wow, wouldn’t you know it but I had a giant ovarian cyst all that time (the size of a soccer ball)

    So I would say if you know something’s not right with your body, screw the fear of being embarrassed, you just never know.

    • I will take your advice–although I have heard that migraines can be killers (as in awful pain)–I will try to hop out of denial again and try to get to the bottom of it

  9. You have had your blood tested, right? I believe they can tell everything from a blood test. Good Luck.

    • I have had my blood tested–but sometimes they only test for certain things and those certain things are obviously what are not wrong with me – lol
      Guess I will ask them to test me for other certain things

  10. Lou, I think you are like most of us. I think we tend to get very tired when going through stressful situations! I go through this too and think something dire is wrong with me. It wouldn’t hurt to get a physical – have you had one lately? I’ve been tired a lot lately too and sometimes I don’t sleep well. All that contributes, I think! I swear part of it is just being female too — all that hormone shifting. We are shape-shifters, we are.

    I’m reading a book, “He’s Gone,” by Deb Caletti. The writing is superb. Anyway, in it, the character is talking about how when she gets a headache she thinks it’s a brain tumor, back pain must mean cancer. Then she says: “This is probably what happens to people who think too much about pleasing others. You stay on high alert; you do what you can to avoid being left, because rejection could come from any direction. Even your own body might decide to call it quits.”

    Pretty astute, huh? Was to me anyway. I’m glad your foot is better, sounds sooo painful. Take care of yourself. And like you, patience has never been one of my virtues — at least with myself. With others, I can be patient.

    Wait a minute….
    :).

    • I just finished that book and I did relate to that character too–I think hormones make us a bit batty at times and I sure do not understand them at all….
      As for the patience–I don’t know–some people are getting on my last nerve a lot…..(lol)

  11. I’m really bad or stubbing my toes and dropping things on them too, so I can sympathize! All I can say is you should never feel bad about going to the doctor/hospital for something that ends up not being serious because the one time you don’t go thinking they will laugh at you, it will end up being something serious!! We’re not doctors are we? That’s what they are there for. Feel better my friend :). You know my suggested solution – have some chocolate :).

  12. Sleep is a biggie, LouAnn. And if you’re stressed, you may not be getting enough restorative sleep which can wreak havoc with your energy levels. Hope you feel better soon.

    • I am sure not getting enough of that–that could be the root of my problem.

  13. Ways you know you’ve chosen the wrong doctor:

    When he opens the door and says, “Hey there, let’s take a gander at your lady parts.”

    When he opens his lab coat and flashes samples of anti-depressants.

    When he opens his lab coat and flashes his Viagra pennant.

    When he opens your chart and says, “What seems to be the problem with ordering the most expensive procedures your HMO will cover?”

    When you open the bill for your tonsillectomy and discover you also had a vasectomy AND a hysterectomy in the same visit.

    Feel better LouAnn. 🙂

  14. laughter is the best medicine.

    What you have described here is all too familiar. A few years ago I had no feeling in my left hand and really thought I was experiencing the signs of a heart attack. I went to my primary care doctor. She had the girl who files patient charts come in and hook me up for a quickie EKG. “Nope,” she said, “it’s not a heart problem. Have you been under any stress?” Well, that opened up a whole can of worms she wasn’t interested in listening to and she sent me packing with Nexium samples and a referral to a neurologist. Numerous co-pays, one surgical procedure, and six weeks of physical therapy later my hair started falling out IN CLUMPS and I felt like I’d been hit by a freight train. I was exhausted after taking a shower. One night I was writhing in pain and KNEW my appendix was about to rupture. I went to the ER only to be sent home following both an ultra sound and CT with a prescription for Vicodin and a referral to a gastroenterologist. A couple of procedures and many co-pays later, turns out I needed to see an endocrinologist. The jury is still out on this one.

    • that is what I mean–they do not seem to be able to pinpoint anything and you have to go through so much–I am so sorry you went through all of this
      A few years ago I too thought I was having a heart attack and I was treated like royalty at the hospital, but fortunately it was not–again stress is an awful thing and that combined with hormones for me is probably the answer.
      In Canada we are lucky because our health care is, while not exactly free, much easier to afford.
      Good luck with your health Honie–I hope you finally get to the bottom of it (((hugs)))

  15. Whew! I am grateful to hear your foot issue is something easily handled. Albeit painful.
    I understand your denial Lou. I have come to a point in my life that when something arises I am very reluctant to begin to join the doctors office club again. The last 30 years has been a truck load of appointments which seem to beget yet another.. and another…
    I don’t have time for this in my life anymore is what I convince myself of.

    Why I expect that those I care about should do as I say, not as I do is beyond me.
    But I do, and so I wish you to join the doctors office club, sooner than later. 😉

    • Ha, do as I say, not as I do… my mom’s motto! Amy

      • And I said; “I’ll never say that!” Ha!

    • you are right-test after test is time consuming and I think I just get frustrated–I want those I care about to take care of their health too–we have to learn to nurture ourselves too I guess

      • Indeed we do need to learn to take care of ourselves too.
        Women are natural nurturers by gender for the most part I think, and we maybe run out of steam when it comes to our selves.
        That’s my story and I am sticking to it anyway. 😉

      • that is my story too

      • And I will swear to it for you Lou ~

  16. I always say, “When in doubt, go to the doctor.” My friend stubbed his toe, it bled a bit near the nail (he had been wearing sandals).

    Next day? His whole leg blew up. Turned out the antibiotic cream he used when bandaging forced the bacteria up into his leg. Boom. Cellulitis. In his case, it might have been something as simple as yours. So good for you, and save the embarrassment for something like leaving the public bathroom with toilet paper stuck to your shoe, or, even better, leaving said bathroom wtih the back hem of your dress lodged in the waistline of your panty hose. I once did this. I admit it.

    This was a great post, and your friends’ responses show you have REAL FRIENDS on the net! Good for you! Peace, Amy

    • Thanks–you made me feel better about my emergency and although I have never tucked my dress into my panty hose I have done all kinds of things like that (I remember a few parties at university when I got mixed up about the genders of the washrooms quite regularly)

  17. I wrote about the Googling thing a while back so you’re not alone in scaring yourself. Usually, I never think anything is that serious until I go to Google “just to make sure” and then half an hour later, I’m convinced my doom is near. On the flip side, your intuition is usually a pretty good indicator if something is more serious so it’s also good to listen to those internal voices.
    Getting enough sleep is always a big factor in how you feel but also the things you eat (and drinking enough water, which I never seem able to do). Stress is also another factor and we might not even realize how much it’s affecting us until it finally leaves us or problems start arising.
    Hope you feel better soon and don’t feel embarrassed. I had to Google what a corn was and looked like. 🙂

  18. You need to find the right doctor. Sadly too many dismiss 50 year old women as ‘depressed’ …. and THAT is depressing. If you think something is wrong, listen to that voice, and find yourself someone who will listen.

    • I have a good doctor–I just have to be more forthcoming with him–I hate to complain (tell my husband that) and when you see the doctor I guess that really is the time to complain!

  19. I utterly understand because lately it is one thing after another – gastric, then tooth, now flu – argh!

    • too many things to battle sometimes–take care of you Julie–you are so busy taking care of everyone else you forget about you

  20. Oh yes, LouAnn, I get this, too. Have had a low back ache for months and months. The doctor kinda brushed it off but said I should come back again for a barrage of tests if it doesn’t get better. He didn’t seem alarmed (the back equivalent of a corn, you know.) I would love to start up all the tests *just to see* but we have a $6000 deductible, and is it worth it if it’s just a back “corn”? Sigh… Hugs.

    • we are more fortunate in Canada that our health care system is a lot more giving than yours so we can undergo tests more easily (financially), but sometimes it takes months and months to get appointments
      a back ache is something that really does affect your life though–hope you find out what is wrong or it goes away on its own–backs are very tricky

  21. This is a hilariously funny post at the same time it is worrisome. That you went to the ER with a corn reminded me of when I went to a specialist for a bump on my head and he diagnosed it as a bump! On the other hand, dizziness and nausea are nothing to sneeze at, so you should have that checked. Doctors tend to omit thyroid tests so I would start with that one. Advice given from personal experience. Be well!

    • I am glad you found the humour in it–but I will ask for a thyroid test–I think that is my next step–thank you

  22. I’m sorry about the non emergency visit, but corns can be very painful.
    This can be lots of things, and with out tests it’s impossible to know. I’m going to suggest you get a battery of bloods run and you ask your GP for a referral to a neurologist who will probably order an MRI. I am a neurologist and this could be something very simple or not, but you should not feel tired and dizzy. Get it checked out.

    • thank you – it is nice to get a professional opinion–I will do what you have suggested -thanks so much Kate

  23. I can identify with this whole not knowing what’s wrong thing. I had 8 vials of blood taken this morning! They’re testing for everything under the sun because my doctor is as mystified as I am. There must be answers out there somewhere for both of us! Let’s not give up until we find them.


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