Charlie Brown Christmas (Photo credit: Keegan Jones)
“I just don’t understand Christmas. Instead of feeling happy, I feel sort of let down.” ~ Charlie Brown from “A Charlie Brown Christmas”, 1965
Maybe because it is December 13th I am not feeling my usual holly jolly self. Other bloggers are letting their inner Scrooges and Grinches out, so maybe this is my day to let the merriment go on without me. Even Charlie Brown questioned Christmas—we are expected to be happy, but sometimes we are not.
I understand why this is the most merry time of the year, but I also understand that it is not all that merry to some people. I have been one of those people on occasion—two years in a row I lost a parent in December—my mom first and a year later, my dad. That does not make for a holly jolly time. That was over twenty years ago now—and I still feel the pangs – I miss them especially at this time of year because we had some wonderful family Christmases that were not quite the same after they exited this planet Earth.
I have of course come up with some of my own traditions and I will never lose the spirit of Christmas, but some days take their toll, and no matter the season, you have to deal with the good, the bad, and the ugly.
The ugly has reared its majestic head this week, and I am busy eradicating it, but it does not go away just because it is the holidays. Just as Charlie Brown had to find the meaning of Christmas, I too must go in search of it today.
There is so much I love about Christmas. But I know that this time of year can be stressful. Even trying to be merry can put a bit of strain on us when reality keeps butting its head in. We have to deal with life even if this is a magical time of year—and in the end, I know that the merriment will win out.
Hope (Photo credit: bitzcelt)
On the Homefront 
Mother passed Sept 17 so will be first Christmas without her. Son will be down with wife and two young grandchildren I’ve never seen and today daughter and family will move into habitat for humanity house(waiting 14 months). 7 more lucky families in Miami got a house. The mixture of joy and sadness colors this Christmas and once again I ponder the yin and yang of life.
you said it perfectly — it is a real mixture of joy and sadness–so sorry about your mom
Sending some extra special merriment your way today/this week. I hope the ugly goes away soon so you can enjoy the season (sorry to hear though that your parents both passed on in December. That’s hard. My grandmother died right before Christmas 14 years ago. It’s still a sad time Christmas Eve because that was when she did her big celebration with family).
you never forget, but you do get past it–but there are things that you miss because they are gone–thank you for the extra special merriment–I am feeling a little better already
No matter how long it has been, we miss our parents when they leave us, and having that happen during the Christmas season will understandably bring some sadness with it every year. I feel for you. Good luck finding the merriment again, but give yourself time to deal with all your feelings. Wishing you happier days ahead and very Merry Christmas.
thank you so much for your understanding–some day just are not as merry as others–thank you for your good wishes
aah the ever present wisdom of Schulz, thou hath caused me to rend my garment.
I hope it was not a favourite one
it was a metaphorical rending based upon my favourite Linus quote
I live to be educated!
I am having a similar battle.
it is a battle sometimes isn’t it?
For sure!
So very true and more so for me this year why I don;t know. at this moment, reality check has knocked me a little.. ps thank you stopping by on mine..:)
I am not big on reality when it does not balance out the bad with the good–I need more of the latter–
I enjoy your blog–see you at the party
I’m also not the jolliest of elves.. This will be the first time in my life I will be alone on Christmas..The children will be out of town…I will just glide through this season and stare at my Charlie Brown tree…
We should have a virtual Christmas Day for you! So sorry you are going to be alone–(hugs)
No worries I’ll live through all of you guys celebrations:-)
We will celebrate with you–at least you won’t have a mess and a lot of dishes
LouAnn,
I’m glad you’re able to take a break from the festivities and be with your feelings. I face similar challenges. I’m missing my Mom much more than usual this year. Don’t really even know why – but there it is.
Hugs,
Cathy
I know, sometimes we do get a jolt of sadness–we will just have to get through it–there is no other choice; I understand missing a mom
I’ve learned that enjoying yourself is not compulsory, it’s something that happens. If you don’t feel jolly, it’s not a crime.
And you sure as eggs is eggs aren’t on your own.
I remain ma’am,
Your obedient servant
E. Scrooge
I like the way you explained it–not feeling jolly is not a crime–thanks for that Eb!
Holidays can be tough since we think of the ones we can’t be with anymore. I’m sending you a hug.
hug received with gratefulness
For me, that’s the Christmas spirit. Being there for a friend during the good and bad. Take care and have fun at your party. Read some Parker–her wit might be what you need right now.
good idea–she is awaiting me in my bedroom
LouAnn, I’ve been in a similar funk. Moms been in hospital (now in rehab facility) and many things un-holiday have pressed into life.
I hope you find you merry recipe is short order. I know for me once all the hullabaloo is over and the Solstice has brought us to that time of gaining daylight each day, I tend to bounce. I’m wondering if at some level it is too much too soon….I don’t know about by you but here the retail madness of it all gets everything on a fast track. Hugs to you xo
*anna
it does start too soon–I got caught up in it–I remember we did not start celebrating until mid December when I was a kid–things went up about a week and a half to two weeks before Christmas (right about now)–instead I have been focusing on it since November–maybe I am suffering from a little burn out as well as being faced with some hard life issues
Yah, with you there…kinda peaked too early.
Hope your life issues soften out in the coming days LouAnn.
*anna
thanks Anna
Sometimes I wonder how much of the holiday hecticness is self-imposed. Because I’m not a Scrooge, I stay on the positive side.
that is a good observation–I think we need to take a step back
There is a lot of pressure to have everything happy during this time of year. I think it makes the sadness even deeper when you have it. I lost my sister over twenty years ago around Thanksgiving and there is always a haze over that holiday. It never really goes away. Don’t feel like you’re being a scrooge, you’re being real. Real is good, unless you’re an asshole. Luckily you’re not. Can you tell I’m on pain meds? Hahahahaa!
can I have some–might make me jollier–you are right — sadness can seem deeper when things are supposed to be light –it is always darkest before…
Just start with finding one small thing that will put a smile on your face, and let that feeling take over. This morning the clouds we scattered across a beautiful blue sky and each one of them were cast with an orange glow as the sun rose. It was stunning and set the tone for the rest of my day. Something so simple can make such a big difference. I hope you find your spirit today. 🙂
thank you — start small–I should be able to handle that
It’s less daunting that way. 🙂
true – little bites
A number of Charles Schultz manuscripts and drawings were recently found and released, which chronicle a middle-aged love-affair. Cute stuff. Happy Holidays!
I feel it too. My mother, (whom I wasn’t close to) died on December 21st, my grandparents felt her loss every holiday. Then my grandmother (who raised me) died on December 8th in 2001. That first Christmas without her was painful to say the least. A year and a half later I lost my grandfather so now I am the “head of the family” and I miss their inputs so much.
I know –it is hard not having someone there to give you advice–I think dying in December should be banned
I’m having a bit of a glum day today also. I think I’ll feel better when it snows. Until then, I’m burning lots of candles.
you are adding your own light to the world–it has been rather dull around here with very few snowflakes
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I can imagine that no matter the time, we always miss our most loved – sending you extra holiday love my friend!
Hugs
Uru
thanks so much Uru
I always miss my father at Christmas and it can be a very melancholy time for a lot of people. There is too much pressure on us to ‘be happy’ at this time of year. But I’m grateful I’m still here to spend the time with with my children – this keeps me more on the ‘up’ than it dos on the ‘down’. 😀
we sometimes need a little down time to balance out, though I would prefer not to if I had my druthers
It’s the preparations that wipe the merry out of me. It will all get done, and everything will be fine, but for now it’s hard to find a moment to sit down. I host a Christmas eve with a ridiculous amount of food and games with prizes. It’s a ton of fun, but I always feel the pressure to make it great. Lists lists and more lists. They get me through.
good luck with it all!
Missing them too Lou….xoxo
(hugs)
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I don’t think it matters how long ago our loved ones have left. They are always missed – especially when gathering at family events & they were always there. Sometimes I still think my brother who passed away 10 years ago is going to show up – Silly me.
{Hugs}
maybe he does (hugs)
I always miss my dad at Christmas, but the kids provide very old distractions for me now.
distractions are good
This is the first year that I feel absolutely nothing. At least not yet. Too much has distracted me and the merriment around me seems hollow. It’s sad because normally I love this time of year. hopefully it will get better. I think this post is a welcome relief, probably for a lot of people. Nicely done, LouAnne.
There are such high expectations at this time of year and all of us cannot attain them because of the “stuff” that inconveniently happens in our life–I think the bad stuff is magnified at this time of year because we are supposed to be happy.
As so many have commented–take the time to feel the sadness and pain–there is nothing wrong with that–and grab the moments when those two evil brothers subside for a while.
I have come to the conclusion that all of us are dealing with things–and that we have to be kind to ourselves.
Though you are going through some fresh hell–I wish you moments of joy–I find living in denial works for me (I am serious here–sometimes I just pretend that things are okay and it works for a little while–though admittedly when they come back to haunt you later–you do have to finally face them–but maybe denial will get us through the holiday season, if not unscathed, at least a little happier.)
Those of us who have been in the frame of mind when Christmas or other holidays fall around…know whereof you speak…thoughts are with you …Diane
I cannot think of anyone who does not face this at some time–I am getting a handle and facing my little demons. It is both harder and easier at this time of year–if that makes any sense–thanks for your support Diane–I always find you very comforting.
I hope nobody thinks I’m terrible and insensitive, but it’s time to lighten up this post. OK my friend, snap out of it right now!! Don’t you have a party to plan?? You cannot host a virtual Christmas party in this frame of mind!! Put on your Santa hat and your elf shoes right now or I’m coming down there to get you in the Christmas spirit!! We will eat chocolate and drink wine all day and dammit you will be saying “ho ho ho” by the time we are done. And then you will have entertainment because if I drink wine all day it could get interesting because I don’t really drink! LOL
You are a funny girl–I love your pep talk–yes let us party hardy like it is 1979 (the last time I partied hardy). Hey I can drink a glass and a half of wine now and am in the party mood–I guess you would call me a cheap drunk.
Well, have to find my Santa hat and elf shoes for the party–though I am not sure my favourite author wears such garb! Glad you are in the spirit–I will be too–my youngest son is coming home from college tomorrow–and we both know that kind of thing makes us both happy! Oh and today I have your mystery pic to look forward to–so all is right with the world!
Christmas feels different (but good) at each stage of my life.
It is different for each stage isn’t it–that is what makes life interesting!
LouAnn this post made me feel a little better this morning. I always get a little melancholy around the holidays and feel like I should “shake it” off and get over it.
I think we are allowed a bit of melancholy–we are not robots! Glad I could help a little.
I know but this time of year should be different.
Just give yourself a little time–that is what I am doing–then we will be our holly, jolly selves again!
i m giggling at you because never would one describe me as holly jolly EVER. haa haa but thanks for that.
not ever? ha ha
Today I’ll giggle a bit – it’s been hard to get as merry as usual – with multiple minor crisis. But at least the tree is up now.
count that as a triumph
I’m so sorry that December has such a lot of sadness for you. I also find that at family celebrations, the absence of loved ones hit home quite hard. We always drink a toast to them though, and remember them this way. I wish you some joy and much peace, LouAnne.
thank you – I like the idea of drinking a toast to them–that would hit a lovely note – thank you
I understand how you are feeling LouAnn. I have been without parents for many many years and I think being away from family at Christmas has left me a bit melancholy. I felt the need recently to just step away from the computer and reflect on life. Hope you have a blessed Christmas, one that provides lasting memories. 🙂
Thanks for the lovely wishes LuAnn–sometimes we do have to step away and re-evaluate things. We will always miss our parents and I am sure we have both come to terms with it–but it will never be resolved.
My dad died in December over 35 yrs ago and my mother loved Christmas, our house was always fully decorated. I miss them so much especially this time of year. At the time my dad died I still remember we were talking about getting my mother a dress for Christmas. I was 14 at the time. I do understand and it is still hard, but then I have a few ornaments that were my moms and the last ornament she bought for me still hangs proudly on my tree, and I know they are only things but it comforts me to know that they are both still with me. You are right, we will always miss our parents. Hugs and blessings ~ Patty
You are right–we will always miss our parents and honour them and their memories at this time of year–like you, I have precious decorations on my tree that remind me of them. Thanks so much for sharing–hugs and blessings to you
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(((((Hugs))))) honey 😦
I always get a bit sad as we have no family to share Christmas with. Everyone says it a time for family, but there’s only me hubby and the kids. I feel sorry for my kids that they don’t have those large family gatherings that I had as a child 😦 Like it’s hubby’s birthday today and he gets 2 cards, one from me, one from the kids. It’s the same with Christmas cards.
Xx
I know–I used to have large family gatherings when my parents were alive and I really miss them too–tell your hubby this is a virtual birthday card and I am saying Happy Birthday!
Awwww, thanks honey 🙂
Xx
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Hello there! Your writing here ostensibly depicts your fondness for Charlie Brown, Snoopy and Peanuts comic strips. So, please allow me to introduce my recent post at http://soundeagle.wordpress.com/2012/10/08/soundeagle-in-taming-soundbeagle/ for your pleasure.
May you have a pleasant and lovely first day of the new year!
Thank you and I will so check it out–and have a happy and pleasant January 1st yourself