~ If It Is Saturday – It Must Be Recipe Day! ~

Vegetarians look away.

knife & fock

knife & fork (Photo credit: Elena Karelova)

I have told you about our “family cookbook”–the one that for about ten years all of my family contributed to at the behest of my sister Peggy. She covered binders in beautiful cloth for each of us, and only asked that every year at Christmas we contribute three recipes. Some years I was inspired–and some years I thought I was a comedian.

In 1995, it was a “comedian” year. So here was one of my contributions (I was young, I was stupid, I needed the money–okay this last one does not apply here):

*John K’s Favourite Meal #1

Ingredients: 1 very large steak, sufficiently marbled to cause a flare-up on the barbeque

A1 and Heinz steak sauce

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

1 bottle of HP steak sauce or Heinz 57 sauce



1. Tear off plastic wrapper.

2. Put on barbeque.

3. Cook on high. Burn. Turn over when flames reach three feet or neighbours call fire department.

4. Done when brown inside (better known as well done). If particularly hungry, done while still dripping in blood and transferred to microwave. Done when brown inside.

5. Put on platter. Enjoy with copious amounts of steak sauce and a Lot’s wife size amount of salt.

*John K’s Favourite Meal # 2

Ingredients: 1 very large slab of prime rib roast



Method: roast beef in oven until brown. Make gravy. Flood plate with said gravy over slabs of prime rib. Add enough salt to kill a horse and horse radish.

My cooking skills have since improved to the point where we no longer cook steaks or roasts until they are well done. We are sophisticated now–we like a little red in the meats that having a little red will not kill you, or send you to the emergency ward to have your stomach pumped.

My husband’s Neanderthal tastes have also been tamed. He now eats fruits and vegetables. His repertoire is not wide in these areas, and I am sure if left on his own, he would not need to supplement his meals with those pesky things like potatoes, rice, vegetables and salads. Good thing he has me–a mediocre cook who sometimes serves salad in a bowl, which he has to finish before he gets the rest of the meal.

Okay–here is one for the vegetarians, if you happened to read down this far:

Ingredients for making a fermented salsa. Cloc...

Ingredients for salsa. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)


5 cups coarsely chopped tomatoes

3/4 cup of chopped spanish onion

3/4 cup of sweet red peppers

1 hot pepper

1 large clove garlic

5 1/2 oz can tomato paste

1/2 cup white vinegar

2 tablespoons white sugar

2 tablespoons lime juice

1 1/2 teaspoons pickling salt

1 tsp paprika

1 tsp oregano

Cook until thick.

Note: We also add hot sauce and extra hot peppers for more spice.

This was a recipe included in the Family Cookbook and submitted by Mark and Chrissie who are my nephew and niece by marriage. I have never made it as it has more than five ingredients–but I am positive it is good–because anything I have ever eaten at their house has been exceptional. Unfortunately, when I get a hankering for salsa, I buy it. The medium spicy. Unless Mark and Chrissie give me jar of theirs. Then I am in salsa heaven.

*my husband

Do any of you have stories to tell about your days before you became gourmet cooks?

Published in: on November 17, 2012 at 3:26 pm  Comments (45)  
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45 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Thanks for the giggles. 🙂 I’m always having to tell hubby, “Less is more.”

  2. Yumm! Sometimes it’s the basics and what we grew up with. Sometimes it’s more fancy. But food is such a basic part of our culture and sharing (maybe love) that sometimes it worth the work to make something very special.
    Thanks, LouAnn.

  3. Back in university, I used to add cheez whiz to Kraft macaroni and cheese, and I thought it was gourmet!

  4. I needed a good laugh. Your husband’s comment is funny. I left out very, you will notice. That is difficult.

    The steak thing was rich. (that’s an expression, meaning good, kooky, funny, etc.) I have never made salsa. The years that I did not work I cooked every day and my husband ate with relish – pun intended.

    Just looking at the salsa ingredients leads me to believe that it is “moocho” delicious.

    • glad I could give you a chuckle–the ingredients in the salsa sound wonderful

  5. Ahhh…LouAnn, I could fill a book with early culinary chaos.
    When I turned 16 I became a vegetarian. For a whole year all I knew how to make was salad and stir fried veggies. But it bugged the crap outta my mama who is a diehard carnivore…the vegetarian thing probably would have come and gone a lot quicker had they kept their mouths shut 😉
    Love the ‘it has more than 5 ingredients’ line…you crack me up!

    • we were such innocent babes–I think I may have done a thing or two when I was younger out of a little bit of rebelliousness too (ha ha)
      the five ingredient think is pretty true

  6. My hubby does most of the cooking in our house, and he’s a really great cook. However, considering how he keeps commenting on my weight it would be nice if he could cook meals that weren’t so bloody delicious and fattening!! Plus he cooks enough for about 20 people, so then there are lots of fattening leftovers as well :).

    • methinks he speaks out of two sides of his mouth (lol)–out of sight out of mind is easy–but when it is put in front of you–not so easy, plus I love food and eating

  7. I admit that I buy salsa too, instead of making it. For the amount I use it, I’m better off just buying it when I need it. Though I’m always impressed when people make fresh salsa. You can barging it to the BBQ next year.

  8. Bring. Not barging. D*mn autocorrect.

  9. Haha my friend 😀
    Great story with an awesome meal!

    Choc Chip Uru

  10. I love salsa – looks like a good recipe!

  11. i will never be a Class A cook.. just a mediocre cook.. I do love home made salsa and will have to make note of that recipe!!

  12. Sounds tasty!
    As for your question – I’m at the before stage & will probably dies at that stage too – LOL

  13. Damn. Now I’m hungry.

  14. This really had me giggling;) I’m a pretty bad cook and burn most things – I think hubby got a bit sick of that so he’s done most of the cooking for the last 20 years 😀

    • why did that not work for me–I think because my husband would only serve meat

  15. Oh you really are too hilarious – thanks for the laugh!

  16. Well there was that first pumpkin pie I made shortly after being married…..I had only known my mother bought a can of pumpkin but never really watched closely…and so I poured the can into the pie shell…and got comments like…well it sure is ‘pumkiny’…How was I to know you were supposed to add milk and eggs etc. to it?…..Diane

  17. Two words: Cooked Ham.

  18. Sorry. I didn’t read this post. You warned me to look away :o)

    • ha ha, you can read the bottom half–it has a recipe for salsa with no meat–and you can read the top half, cause it is supposed to be funny – but not as funny as you my girl

  19. In a cooking life gladly far away there was a tuna crepe recipe that convinced me I needed to learn the real essentials of cooking and anticipating flavors.

  20. Yum! That salsa sounds delicious 🙂 I’ll have to try it sometime!

  21. Salsa is one of my favorite condiments. I have it just about every day. I never was that great of a cook…just a few things I cook very well. And I like to keep it simple.

  22. I love to cook, and sometimes I’m even good at it! But I knew nothing about it when I was first married. I remember calling my mom to ask how to make rice…following the package directions was not the formula for producing something that seemed rice-like…my attempt was more like a gummy mess. I don’t have to call her for cooking advice anymore…but still can’t make rice without a rice cooker…just never got the hang of it! ~ Sheila

    • I find rice difficult and it seems to have a mind of its own–sometimes it comes out nice and fluffy, and sometimes a gummy mess–maybe I should get a rice cooker

      • I held out for a long time…we don’t even eat rice that often. But you can use them for other grains as well. Cuisinart makes a nice small size one…big enough to serve three or four easily. I think it’s a 4 quart. ~ Sheila

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