I know the deal is that I am to be grateful for three things a day for 18 days, but I am going to break this little contract and just be grateful for one thing today and that is the word
Jose Oliveiro (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
NO
I am reading a book by the same name written by Jim Camp, who subtitled it “The Only Negotiating System You Need for Work and Home.” And though the word NO may superficially seem negative, it is one of the most positive things you can do for yourself.
How so, you ask?
Being able to say “NO”, makes you less needy, and if you are less needy then you have more power. Not power in the sense that you can be Queen or King of the world, but power over your life.
Camp says that when he introduces the word NO in his training sessions, he asks participants what it means to them—and their answers are all negative: it means the end, walk away, never return, good-bye, total rejection, it is all over, failure. But in reality he says that by always saying yes, your mindset is both compromised and fear-based.
I have been guilty of not saying NO to things and ending up doing stuff because I was afraid or unable to say NO. NO seems like a dangerous word according to Camp, because “Everyone wants to be liked, and if you say no you’ll be disliked.”
NO is a powerful word. I have provided a very rudimentary and simplistic explanation of something which is neither rudimentary or simplistic, but I have to say that Camp has something here. Think about it the next time you feel pressured into saying yes, and consider NO as an option.
This is the second blog I’ve read this week about saying no! Here’s a link to the other one. I hope you enjoy Donloree as much as I do.
http://www.donloree.com/2012/08/27/know-your-no/
And here’s a copy of the comment I made on that one: Learning to say no is one of the most freeing things in life. Learning when to say no and when to say yes, what to say no to and what to say yes to, isn’t always easy but it’s so important. “Stop trying to make everyone else happy” is a huge part of that lesson.
wise comment
it is the learning that is the hard part
I learned to say NO a long time ago. I must say – it has saved me a lot of grief! No – will also show you who your true friends & fam are…
good for you –
now I have to do the same
I really struggle saying no, I mean REALLY struggle
(
I think I need that book
)
Xx
I have it because I took it out from the library and lost it and so had to pay for it, It has been lost for five years–I just found it last week – kismet?
Ha ha ha, I’ve done that before now lol
Xx
When we’re tiny little humans, we hear no a lot (for our safety) and it has a bad rap. But you are so right, Lou Ann. I’ve done things THAT I DID NOT WANT TO DO but said yes anyway. I think women have a harder time with this for some bizarre reason.
But when I do those things I don’t want to do, I’m resentful and I don’t enjoy myself. Why?? I’m with you. Just say no. If someone gets angry and doesn’t want to be your friend or they don’t like you because of it, then I guess they have that option.
Great post.
You are right – but it is hard isn’t it. I am going to practice.
You’ve got this one right for sure!
Thank you muchly
It’s one of the few things (emotionally) that I was good at, No came very easily but I don’t know why.
that is a good thing
Brilliant! I have fallen in love with NO!
you need to young lady – you are torn too many ways!
I think it really just boils down to HOW you say no. We’ve all been guilt-tripped into doing things we didn’t want to do but I’ve since learned that politely rejecting something or making some sort of excuse is the best thing to do sometimes both for yourself and for the other person too.
I think you are so right – for our own sanity we have to take up arms gently
What a great thing to be grateful for. The luxury of saying NO.
It is, isn’t it?
The older I get, the easier it is to say no…..still a bit difficult for me. By the time I’m 80, I’ll have this no thing down pat.
I think you and I have the same challenges.
I think the trick is to say no calmly neutrally – no stuff in it.
As soon as we start excusing, explaining, apologising, we ‘ve lost the battle – we’re still trying to be liked. But a firm neutral no actually doesn;t get people’s backs up – they respect it.
that makes a lot of sense – thank you for the wise advice – too much explaining and you lose the message
For a long period in my life I was afraid to say no when asked to do something or go somewhere etc. or I was afraid if I did say no I had to explain the reason for doing so…and then I realized that I didn’t need to do so…just a firm ‘no, I can’t do that…maybe next time’ or ‘whatever..The guilt over doing so left and it was so freeing..Diane
no explaining, no complaining -right? I think you are onto something here.
I’m just the same! Mr S is always saying, Why did you say yes? You’re too busy!
Is it a woman thing? I don’t usually say the male/female comment but I do wonder ….
I could do with the book too!
All the best to you.
when you read the book – you will see the value of no and that sometimes it is the only reasonable answer
when you read the book – you will see the value of no and that sometimes it is the only reasonable answer
I know! It’s still hard when you’ve been brought up as a good girl who wants to please everyone!